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Adult children still living at home

Talk to your adult son or daughter about how long they want to stay at home for and why. Express your own views and reach a compromise. Communication is the key to improving relations with anyone. Remember that communication is a two way thing and involves you listening as well as your son or daughter.


To reduce friction, write out a contract outlining rules for food, expenses, chores and sharing facilities (such as the cooker and washing machine). Wage earners living at home should pay their own way as well as sharing household tasks. It is not always about the money, it will also prepare them for independence.


Install a contributions box next to the telephone. If you're desperate to stop calls, buy a phone lock


Coordinate social plans by encouraging everyone to use a family diary or bulletin board. (A parents' night out at the theatre might be a good time for an adult son or daughter to have friends
around, for example.) Set aside one evening a week or month for the whole family to have dinner together or perhaps go out for a drink.


Invest in large stackable, plastic containers (or vegetable racks) to store excess books and baggage until your child moves out. These containers are available from most hardware stores.

Visitors comments

The problem have is not addressed Comments By: Warren Harvey My problem is that the two adult boys living here are hers, not mine. All the things suggested by you, she will not do.   Glad to know there are others Comments By: Ginni My daughter is 22 yrs. old and still at home. I have been trying to "help" her tooo much. I think the compromise is an excellent idea. She is a great talker and knows my weaknesses well. I love her and I am guilty of trying too hard to be her friend instead of a parent with needs of my own.   problem not addressed Comments By: deb yes what do you do with adult children who refuse to pay rent and they work?   Here's What You Do..... Comments By: Not A Bad Parent But A Good One Tell your children that if they're not motivated to move out and employed by a certain age, you'll amend your will to state that they cannot benefit from any of it's contents until they're 59-1/2 years old. At least they'd have something to retire on by that time...sure worked for our two boys...both became completely independant within 8 months of getting this verbiage handed to them.   Raise your child by raising the stakes Comments By: I'll miss him when/if he goes My employed-adult son lives with me. His rent increases every year by one third and household chores increase yearly. Perhaps we are enablers when we do not pack their things, put them on the porch and wave goodbye on their 21st birthday.   MEDIA plea - does your adult child still live at home? Comments By: Reporter I'm a features writer for a national newspaper. I'm looking for families where adult children who still live at home. It's a fun light-hearted feature but I need a few families to help me out. If you live in the UK and are interested in talking about the situation, please call me Jessica Boulton on 0207 2932143 or email jessica.boulton@people.co.uk   Feel sorry for them...NOT ! Comments By: Independent in Florida My younger brother and sister still live at home ( aged 28 and 32 ) and have never even attempted to live on their own. I feel really sorry for them when my parents pass away and they are homeless BUT, they will get zero help from me when this happens. They have basically been stealing from my parents by living there so long.   My daughter is never around Comments By: Jackie I know I should be happy that she is never around, stays away for days. However, she leaves everything a mess, she has rats she is not taking care of and she has financial obligations she needs to take care of. I call and she doesn't answer the phone. Am I being wrong for being angry and I feel that she should move out? She's 23 years old and it bothers me that she stays out for days with people I don't even know. We fight about it all the time. She doesn't make enough money to live on her own and she cut her hours back so she could hang with her boyfriend more, whom I have not met.   No privacy Comments By: TJ I write as I feel that only the son or doughters point of view is regarded in cases where adult children live at home.My sons still live at home and dont realise that I need some me time now, some privacy and beign able to do what I please without being answerable to their needs. I feel that I have less of this now than when they were children. I am 5I and had expected to have my home to myself by now. I chose to have children yes but I did not choose to live with other adults when I decided to have them. I love them dearly but as my offsprings not as uninvited house guest. I feel guilty but I do resent them being here. They have no concept of what its like for me. I cannot ask them to leave as I know that I would regret doing so in the long run. I feel helpless and have resolved to the fact that this is how its going to be by now.   At Home and not working Comments By: MCR How do you deal with a son, 26, who lives at home, does not work, has numerous creditors calling, no car? Years of talking till I'm blue in the face. I do not know where to turn anymore   For the long suffering parents! TV SHOW! Comments By: JLC If you have an adult son or daughter still living at home and would like to come on TV and have some silly fun & games about it, drop us an email at the new Justin Lee Collins Show for ITV and we can help! jlc@objectiveproductions.com, or 0207 202 2418   Parents with adult children still at home wanted for TV Documentary Comments By: Katie I am trying to find some families with adult males (in particular) still living at home for a new documentary. If you are a parent with a son over 18 still living at home I would love to hear from you.. please e mail me on mumsandsons@live.co.uk Many thanks   We have 2! Comments By: Fed Up! We have two grown sons living at home (23 and 25) both of them have a child of their own. One has lost his drivers license for two years, the other just go his back. One is working, the other is "looking for a job". They pay NO rent, eat like horses, resist doing any kind of house work or chores, never complete a task. We are really starting to feel resentful, used, abused and taken advantage of.   had enough Comments By: cara I have three children at home one is 11, one is 13 and one is 22. I really enjoy bringing up my two younger children, but the older one I have already brought up. I try really hard to be patient and positive about it, but the truth is I just want him to leave and get his own life. It really gets me stressed sometimes and I feel I should be able to have some privacy from him.   lack of perspective Comments By: Loriane I'm 25 and still live at home with my mom. However what people fail to realize is that many people in my situation are not doing so out of desire, but rather out of necessity. Back in our parents day a person could support a whole family with just a High School diploma. They went from "school to factory" as they say. But unless you've been living under a rock these past few years or decades for that matter, supporting one self let alone a whole family on an entry-level income has become virtually impossible. Yes, we could always go to college in order to get a better paying job and career, but seeing how the economy has deteriorated not everyone is able to pay for college. And yes there are always scholarships and financial aid, but its getting harder and harder to qualify for those things and even if you do, they don't pay for books, transportation, food, rent, light, gas, etc. And even then, you can only get those if you go to school full-time, so that kills the part-time job idea, which would barely pay for the expenses to get to and from work every day anyway let alone the fact that you'd need to come uo with and extra 10 hours a day in order to get everything done. I would LOVE to be able to afford my own place, but right now, even with an Associates degree, because of the economy I've been forced to take a job that only pays $1,400/mo. Which in New York City will only cover the rent on a small apartment. Even studios still go for $1,200 and up wich would only leave me with $200 to eat and clothe myself, travel, pay the electric, phone, internet,etc. Not to mention any medical bills not covered by insurance and we all know how much they love to pay for things. I see how much of a burden I am to my mom, especially now with the economy the way it is, but I am just as trapped in this situation as she is. I do my best to help her out with the rent and food and any other expenses but it seems like it's just never enough. An we didn't ask for this, we didn't mess up the economy, we didn't raise the living expenses, we didn't corrupt the health care system, so I resent it when some people presume that I'm taking advantage or mooching or doing this out of laziness. I travel 2 hours to and from work, put in my 40+ hr/wk, pay for all my own needs and help my mom out, so laziness is obviously not the problem.   My Nephews Comments By: Anon I live with my sister who has two grown sons. They still have keys to the home although they have moved out. They come and go as they please, letting themselves in with their keys. When I described by displeasure to my sister, she stated that my attitude is the reason why they do not like visiting. Am I wrong in the way I feel? Thank you. TipKing says: In my opinion you are correct to feel the way you do. You can never relax, not knowing when someone will walk through the door. If you and your sister have joint ownership/tenancy your wishes should be heard. It sounds like there is no love lost between you and your nephews so it should not matter how they feel when they relinquish the keys.   Fed up with adult children living at home? Comments By: Emily BBC World Have Your Say is looking for parents who want their adult children to leave home. Call 00 44 2075570023 or email me: emilyunia@hotmail.com   feeling unpressured Comments By: Anon i am 22 and i don't feel pressured by my mum to move out. sometimes i feel she needs help with keeping the house but if my siblings and i moved out she would find it easier to do everything and i would be able to do some of the things that i don't feel confident doing. Like cooking real meals rather than using a gas cooker i could have electric. and using the washing machine (which i feel my mum would, although like the help, worry that i did something wrong). i was encouraged into college and the students there are more independent than i am even if they havent moved out they have jobs. i feel the only way to get a job is to move out as there are no vacancies in my area which means i will either have to learn to drive or move out or be late for every job i get because i caught the bus.   28 yrs old. Still living at home. Comments By: Anon How do you deal with a son, 28, who lives at home, does not work, has numerous creditors calling, no car? Years of talking till I'm blue in the face. I do not know where to turn anymore. Gets assistance from the state, and won't take advantage of it. They will pay for better education, dental, mental health. (depression, and addiction). At my witts end!!